those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just had sex bonerless
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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