just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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