You're my little dorito
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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