Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize