Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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