I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
