The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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