her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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