Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
