The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
