i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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