I met the friendliest cop last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
