She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
