Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
