i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
