So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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