My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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