She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
