Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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