I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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