im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
