Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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