awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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