Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We left the knife in your bed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
