I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
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I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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