I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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