I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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