my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
