Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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