I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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