dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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