I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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