non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
