apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
