I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
