And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
