I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
