we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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