i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
