I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
