there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
