I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
