Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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