I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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