someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
