Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
