party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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