I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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