I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
