this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
