there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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