Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
