dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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