It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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