How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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