I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
