dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
