so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
