the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
