Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
