I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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