Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
