i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
