I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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