mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
