What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
