Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
