i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you win again, gameday.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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