Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Girls should come with a carfax report
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
