this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
