one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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