They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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