just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I need moral support for this bender
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
