i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
