Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you traded sex for a burrito?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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