There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
