He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
