Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't deserve a penis
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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