Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
