I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
