Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
