Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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