There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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