I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
